Reflections on my Spiritual Adventure

My Spiritual Journey

My spiritual awareness has grown gradually much in the same way as children grow taller, inch by inch, unaware that it is happening. It is by looking back that I see the significant moments. I recall an incident in my childhood that now seems to be my first conscious communication from my indwelling divine spirit, also known as the Thought Adjuster because it attunes our thoughts to the divine nature if we so will it. I was around 7 years old and at that age I knew nothing about being indwelt by a fragment of the Paradise Parent's spirit. On this day I was arguing with a friend when I said to her something I must have heard from the adults in my life. “You will go to hell for saying that.” Instantly and distinctly, I became aware of these words: “That is not true.” I didn’t wonder where the message came from, but it affected me profoundly. I’ve never said such words to anyone since then.

Age eleven was a significant year for me spiritually. I became interested in learning more about God. I took to heart what my Sunday School teacher said about the creation stories in the Bible, that they were just that—stories scripted for the simple minds of that time instead of saying that humans had evolved from animal ancestors. My prayer practice evolved the same year. I used to say three prayers, “Now I lay me down to sleep…”, then the Lord’s Prayer, and then my own. I began questioning the necessity of the first two since they were said by rote and not heart-felt. Changing my prayer norm came with a bit of anxiety because I was breaking free from an ingrained routine. But I did it because I believed God preferred my personal prayer. I am now sure my Thought Adjuster was leading me to that conclusion. The same year I was taking a Bible correspondence course with the Billy Graham organization. When the first assignment was returned it had a lot of red x’s. The “teachers” only wanted answers that were verbatim from the Bible. I had answered in my own words to demonstrate my level of understanding. I was offended: they didn't encourage me to use my mind; they only wanted a parrot! So, I gave them what they wanted and never learned from them again.

At age 16, I was studying the Biblical Gospels by myself. I was conflicted by some of the content and thought my lack of enthusiasm was a deficiency in me. I prayed to God, “Fix me.” A few months later The Urantia Book walked into my life in the hands of a boyfriend. I didn't know it at the time but this was the beginning of the answer to my prayer. From the very first page my truth bell rang. I couldn’t understand all I read but I knew it was true. That first year I read the book cover to cover.

I found myself at a spiritual crossroad at age 24. I had a strong belief system based on The Urantia Book, but it had not been personally validated. I was missing a vital piece in my relationship with God. And so, before me, two roads diverged. One was paved with belief that was easy to follow. The other road was made of the footfalls of inner experience and was less defined. The road of belief satisfied the mind and felt safe. The other beckoned to the soul and felt both adventurous and scary.

I needed to feel God come alive within me, so I embarked on the road of direct experience. I allowed myself to question my dearly held beliefs, even to be uncertain that God exists. You might be wondering, “Why would you do such a thing?” For me it was necessary to wipe the slate of my beliefs clean, at least partially, to create space for a new story that God and I would write on my soul. Who is God? Who I am? And who are we together? In this way I began in earnest the greatest quest of my life--my God adventure.

Uncertainty became a part of my spiritual life. The first question I faced was to pray or not to pray. I decided that prayer would help me to focus on my highest values. But my prayers began this way, “Dear God, if you exist” followed by what I needed to talk about.

Did the proof of God come to me immediately? Of course not! I was young and inexperienced with life. My spiritual intentions were often ambushed by the material demands of living. But experience has taught me that getting to know God requires getting to know myself. Such awareness calls for self-reflection on one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. Knowing “what is”—without over dwelling on guilt or blame—is the starting point to achieving one’s goals. I had other lessons to learn as well: how to master my mind and how to live with integrity to my highest values. Self-awareness, self-mastery, and integrity are components of spiritual maturity, and these can take more than a lifetime to learn.

On my quest to experience God directly, I have felt a presence of enormous power within me. I know that most of this spiritual power is still held in potential for future ages to come. I have also felt an upwelling of jubilation from my spirit when I grasp a profound truth. But best of all is the all-consuming love that cascades from within as God embraces me. Words cannot truly describe this experience.

God has chosen to go on an adventure with each of us. He has literally given a piece of Himself to indwell each person, a spirit fragment that is in addition to the other divine ministries that are here to help us achieve our high destiny. This indwelling spirit is our spiritual DNA, our SPS (spirit positioning system), and our divine partner in this mortal life and the higher life to come. Like yours, my divine spirit desires to become one with me—to transform us into a glorified being that is the fusion of God and human. This is our destiny, and it will happen if it is our will to be like God in truth, goodness and beauty.

“There is in the mind of God a plan which embraces every creature of all his vast domains, and this plan is an eternal purpose of boundless opportunity, unlimited progress, and endless life. And the infinite treasures of such a matchless career are yours for the striving!” (The Urantia Book 32:5.7)

Say “yes” to your own God Adventure.